Stupidest "Jesus Conspiracy" Theory I've Seen So Far

Howdy, folks. ccwbass here, laughing like a goon because See-Dubya is actually letting me blog here. The conversation went something like this:

See-Dub: Yo, CCW. I've got some great guest bloggers already, but I need someone for when they're having an off day and things just aren't clicking. . .

ccwbass: [puffs out chest, sucks in gut, achieves a heroic look on his face]

See-Dub: . . . someone who'll make 'em look good by comparison no matter how bad a day they're having.

ccwbass: I'm your man!

ccwbass: No . . . wait . . .

ccwbass: Um. . . .

ccwbass: Didn't I . . ? What did you . . ?

ccwbass: [goes looking for dictionary to look up the word 'comparison"]

So here I am! Lucky you.

Anyway -What's the stupidest "Jesus Conspiracy" theory I've seen so far at my job at Barnes & Noble?

Right now the contender for that title is one of the newest of the bunch, currently sitting in the "Christianity" sections of Barnes & Nobles everywhere: Lena Einhorn's The Jesus Mystery. As the day I thumbed it was a rather light day at work, I spent a few minutes leafing through it - precious minutes I'll never get back, I should add - and, well, look: I'll let Booklist's Eileen Cooper sum it up for you:

Joining the pantheon of books about the historical Jesus comes one written by a filmmaker, not a theologian. Einhorn, who has produced documentaries and feature films (Loving Greta Garbo ), writes in a style that is definitely cinematic: no dry, dusty walk through history here. Rather, Einhorn presents information as though she were writing a mystery. Step-by-step, starting with the question of whether Jesus ever existed, she brings together all the known (and little-known) clues about the Jesus story and follows them to what she finds a logical conclusion--that Jesus and Paul were one and the same. This is, by far, the weakest part of the book, with gaping holes in the most obvious of its enumerated conclusions. To her credit, Einhorn gives the arguments for and against her thesis, but the latter rather than the former are likely to persuade readers. That said, this Swedish import does a remarkable job of pulling the evidence together and presenting it in a way that should garner a good chunk of the seemingly insatiable Da Vinci Code audience. [emphasis mine]

Just so you know how shaky Einhorn's thesis is, and also so you know utterly Cooper damns the book with faint praise, here's my favorite (that is, most laugh inducing) point from the column of arguments Einhorn believes supports her thesis that Jesus and "Paul" are one and the same:

"Both [Jesus & Paul] focus what might seem to be an inordinate amount of attention on the resurrection."

Just swish that one around your mental palette for a while, and enjoy the taste of idiocy being presented with a straight face.

"Who's gonna buy this?" you might ask. Here's a couple of cover blurbs:

"What Happened on the Road to Damascus is as thrilling as a crime novel. Clue after clue is revealed without your ever being able to work out the solution to the riddle." Ulrika Kärnborg in Dagens Nyheter

"As exciting as a thriller. One finds oneself curiously and impatiently turning the pages, wondering where she will take you next." Christer Hugo in Smålandsposten

Marketing is all about knowing your audience, after all. What hath Dan Brown wrought? One more load of crap for the wheelbarrow, that's what.

Special bonus weirdness in the form of another blurb:

"Intriguing, disturbing, and always compelling: intriguing because it is a theological thriller; disturbing because it shows how malleable the small amount of evidence we have is; and compelling because it contains new, strong arguments about Jesus, arguments that present it inevitably as a history to be taken seriously." Theodore Riccardi, Professor Emeritus, Department of Middle East and Asian Languages and Cultures, Columbia University

And who is Theodore Riccardi? He ain't exactly an expert on the subject at hand. Well, almost. He does seem to be a devotee of the early pulps and has written some Sherlock Holmes stories, so while that doesn't make him your Go To guy for the study of ancient Christianity, it puts him on the A-list for fantasies like Einhorn's.

If this book doesn't make Hugh's list, it'll only mean that somewhere, somehow, a conspiracy is involved, I'm sure of it. After all, after all the hard reading Hugh wants us to wade through, not putting some light comedy like The Jesus Mystery on that list may be . . . the most insidious Jesus Mystery of them all!

Or maybe I just need to log off and go to bed.

"inordinate amount of attention on the resurrection." Honestly. She really says that.